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George Carlin Quotes

Let these quotes by George Carlin help you to have a positive attitude toward life, and to think positively.

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out
where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
- George Carlin

Related topics: Cute Whimsey

As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero,
he no longer is.
- George Carlin

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- George Carlin

I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
- George Carlin

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Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
- George Carlin

Inside every cynical person,
there is a disappointed idealist.
- George Carlin

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
- George Carlin

 

The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American
recently passed each other in opposite directions.
- George Carlin

If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
- George Carlin

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe,
then I'd have to say that the universe
aimed rather low and settled for very little.
- George Carlin

So far, this is the oldest I've been.
- George Carlin

I don't like to think of laws
as rules you have to follow,
but more as suggestions.
- George Carlin

The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
- George Carlin

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- George Carlin

The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin

If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin

Honesty may be the best policy,
but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination,
dishonesty is the second-best policy.
- George Carlin

Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
- George Carlin

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

I love and treasure individuals as I meet them;
I loathe and despise the groups
they identify with and belong to.
- George Carlin

Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- George Carlin

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin

No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin

Capitalism tries for a delicate balance:
It attempts to work things out so that
everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from
getting violent and trying to take other people's stuff.
- George Carlin

Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man
... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do
every minute of every day. And the invisible man
has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do.
And if you do any of these things,
he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire
and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever,
and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream,
until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you.
He loves you and he needs money.
- George Carlin

What we think, we become.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts, we make the world.
- The Buddha PHOTO

Life is as easy or as hard as you think it is.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

To know yet to think that one does not know is best;
Not to know yet to think that one knows
will lead to difficulty.
- Lao Tzu PHOTO

If I feel depressed I will sing.
If I feel sad I will laugh.
If I feel ill I will double my labor.
If I feel fear I will plunge ahead.
If I feel inferior I will wear new garments.
If I feel uncertain I will raise my voice.
If I feel poverty I will think of wealth to come.
If I feel incompetent I will think of past success.
If I feel insignificant I will remember my goals.
Today I will be the master of my emotions.
- Og Mandino

I don't think of all the misery
but of the beauty that still remains.
- Anne Frank

Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

People should think things out fresh
and not just accept conventional terms
and the conventional way of doing things.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

Tolerance is the first principle of community;
it is the spirit which conserves
the best that all men think.
- Helen Keller

It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are,
or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy.
It is what you think about.
- Dale Carnegie

Truth is not defined by
how many people believe something.
Ask. Question. Think.
Decide - for yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Excellence is the result of
caring more than others think wise,
risking more than other's think safe,
dreaming more than others think practical,
and expecting more than others think possible.
- Anonymous

Every thought we think is creating our future.
- Louise L. Hay

If only the people who worry about their liabilities
would think about the riches they do possess,
they would stop worrying.
- Dale Carnegie

The most important things in life
are seldom the most obvious.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

People hardly ever make use of the freedom which they have,
for example, freedom of thought;
instead they demand freedom of speech as a compensation.
- Soren Kierkegaard

To change who you are,
change who you think you are.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The greatest harm can result from the best intentions.
- Terry Goodkind

Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy.
- Anne Frank

They can because they think they can.
- Virgil

You can do what you have to do,
and sometimes you can do it
even better than you think you can.
- Jimmy Carter

Inaction breeds doubt and fear.
Action breeds confidence and courage.
If you want to conquer fear,
do not sit home and think about it.
Go out and get busy.
- Dale Carnegie

You are what you think you are.
- Bob Richards

The simplest questions are the most profound.
Where were you born?
Where is your home?
Where are you going?
What are you doing?
Think about these once in a while
and watch your answers change.
- Richard Bach

The important thing is not to stop questioning.
Curiosity has its own reason for existing.
- Albert Einstein

The most important thing about Spaceship Earth -
an instruction book didn't come with it.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

If a problem cannot be solved, enlarge it.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Whether you think you can,
or think you can't,
you're right.
- Henry Ford

When you think you're out of time,
smile, and turn back the clock.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The problem with making assumptions
is that we believe they are the truth
- don Miguel Ruiz

When you are reluctant to change,
think of the beauty of autumn.
- V. B. Brown

You are braver than you believe,
stronger than you seem,
and smarter than you think.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

The most incomprehensible thing about the world
is that it is comprehensible.
- Albert Einstein

The eyes are not responsible when the mind does the seeing.
- Publilius Syrus

When you keep getting the wrong answers,
try asking better questions.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Stand up to your obstacles
and do something about them.
You will find that they haven't
half the strength you think they have.
- Norman Vincent Peale

The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie,
deliberate, contrived and dishonest,
but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic.
- John F. Kennedy

If a million people say a foolish thing,
it is still a foolish thing.
- Anatole France

We should not pretend to understand the world
only by the intellect.
The judgment of the intellect
is only part of the truth.
- Carl Jung

Men and women are not prisoners of fate,
but only prisoners of their own minds.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

Life is fully as bad as you think it is,
so never think life is bad.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience
in which you really stop to look fear in the face.
You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

What you think of me is none of my business.
- Terry Cole-Whittaker

To kill an error is as good a service as,
and sometimes even better than,
the establishing of a new truth or fact.
- Charles Darwin

If you think you can,
or you think you can't,
you're probably right.
- Henry Ford

No written law has ever been more binding
than unwritten custom supported by popular opinion.
- Carrie Chapman Catt


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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