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Funny Positive Quotes

Let these positive Funny quotes help you to have a positive attitude toward life, and to think positively.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain

Related topics: Cute Whimsey Motivational Positive Live-By

Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer PHOTO

Minds are like parachutes.
They only function when they are open.
- James Dewar

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Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde

You have enemies? Good.
That means you've stood up for something,
sometime in your life.
- Winston Churchill

When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
- George Bernard Shaw

 

Laugh Loud - Laugh Often
Laugh At What's Funny - Laugh At What's Sad
Laugh At Me - Laugh At You - Laugh At Life
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When you reach the end of your rope,
tie a knot and hang on.
- Anonymous Saying
(Sometimes attributed to Franklin D. Roosevelt,
Eleanor Roosevelt, or Thomas Jefferson)

My life has been filled with terrible misfortune;
most of which never happened.
- Michel Eyquem De Montaigne

When you think you're out of time,
smile, and turn back the clock.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Today is your day to laugh at life,
laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad,
laugh loud - laugh often,
laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec

The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous

You got to be careful if you
don't know where you're going,
because you might not get there.
- Yogi Berra

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
- Milton Berle

Why not go out on a limb?
Isn't that where the fruit is?
- Mark Twain

Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz

A person with a new idea is
a crank until the idea succeeds.
- Mark Twain

We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks-
if we agree with him.
- Mark Twain

I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
- Phyllis Diller

When we remember we are all mad,
the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
- Mark Twain

Old age has deformities enough of its own.
It should never add to them the deformity of vice.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

One day Alice came to a fork in the road
and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
His responses was a question: "Where do you want to go?"
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."
- Lewis Carroll

Okay, here's your first lesson: how to take a FALL!
- the movie Karate Kid

An old friend will help you move.
A good friend will help you move a dead body.
- Jim Hayes

Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Always listen to the experts.
They'll tell you what can't be done and why.
Then do it.
- Robert Heinlein

Times like these, dark times,
they do funny things to people.
They can tear them apart.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore,
and that's what parents were created for.
- Ogden Nash

As to marriage or celibacy, let a man
take which course he will,
he will be sure to repent.
- Socrates

Big sisters are the crabgrass in the lawn of life.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts cartoon

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright

Normal is in the eye of the beholder.
- Whoopi Goldberg

Nine-tenths of the people were created
so you would want to be with the other tenth.
- Horace Walpole

The secret of ugliness consists not in irregularity,
but in being uninteresting.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous

Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
- Mae West

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
- Groucho Marx

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

I'm just preparing my impromptu remarks.
- Winston Churchill

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain

I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic

Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

I love deadlines.
I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.
- Douglas Adams

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

Here are the opinions on which my facts are based.
- Anonymous

What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?
- the movie Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)

I am no longer young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde

Whenever I feel the need to exercise,
I lie down until it goes away.
- Robert Maynard Hutchins

Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

Today is my day to laugh at life.
Laugh loud - laugh often.
Laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad.
Laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I love mankind, it's people I can't stand.
- Charles M. Schulz

Love is an endless mystery,
for it has nothing else to explain it.
- Rabindranath Tagore

The road to success is always under construction.
- Anonymous

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times,
always with the same person.
- Germaine Greer

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields

No problem is so formidable that
you can't walk away from it.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

I never make stupid mistakes.
Only very, very clever ones.
- John Peel

It's a funny thing about life;
if you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- W. Somerset Maugham

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
- W. C. Fields

When life gets you down -
just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
- Anonymous humor

When you're drowning, you don't say,
"I would be incredibly pleased if someone
would have the foresight to notice
me drowning and come and help me,"
you just scream.
- John Lennon

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth
or burn down your house, you can never tell.
- Joan Crawford

True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal

You are only young once,
but you can stay immature indefinitely.
- Anonymous

There's a fine line between genius and insanity.
I have erased this line.
- Oscar Levant


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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Positive Quotes



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