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Funny Positive Quotes

Let these positive Funny quotes help you to have a positive attitude toward life, and to think positively.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain

Related topics: Cute Whimsey Motivational Positive Live-By

Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer PHOTO

You have enemies? Good.
That means you've stood up for something,
sometime in your life.
- Winston Churchill

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Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde

Minds are like parachutes.
They only function when they are open.
- James Dewar

When you think you're out of time,
smile, and turn back the clock.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

 

Today is your day to laugh at life,
laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad,
laugh loud - laugh often,
laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When you reach the end of your rope,
tie a knot and hang on.
- Anonymous Saying
(Sometimes attributed to Franklin D. Roosevelt,
Eleanor Roosevelt, or Thomas Jefferson)

My life has been filled with terrible misfortune;
most of which never happened.
- Michel Eyquem De Montaigne

When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
- George Bernard Shaw

Laugh Loud - Laugh Often
Laugh At What's Funny - Laugh At What's Sad
Laugh At Me - Laugh At You - Laugh At Life
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz

Why not go out on a limb?
Isn't that where the fruit is?
- Mark Twain

I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
- Phyllis Diller

We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks-
if we agree with him.
- Mark Twain

When we remember we are all mad,
the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
- Mark Twain

Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.
- Stephen Hawking

The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous

The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec

A person with a new idea is
a crank until the idea succeeds.
- Mark Twain

You got to be careful if you
don't know where you're going,
because you might not get there.
- Yogi Berra

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
- Milton Berle

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore,
and that's what parents were created for.
- Ogden Nash

Times like these, dark times,
they do funny things to people.
They can tear them apart.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)

One day Alice came to a fork in the road
and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
His responses was a question: "Where do you want to go?"
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."
- Lewis Carroll

Normal is in the eye of the beholder.
- Whoopi Goldberg

As to marriage or celibacy, let a man
take which course he will,
he will be sure to repent.
- Socrates

Big sisters are the crabgrass in the lawn of life.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts cartoon

Always listen to the experts.
They'll tell you what can't be done and why.
Then do it.
- Robert Heinlein

An old friend will help you move.
A good friend will help you move a dead body.
- Jim Hayes

Okay, here's your first lesson: how to take a FALL!
- the movie Karate Kid

The secret of ugliness consists not in irregularity,
but in being uninteresting.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Nine-tenths of the people were created
so you would want to be with the other tenth.
- Horace Walpole

Old age has deformities enough of its own.
It should never add to them the deformity of vice.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

The way I see it, it doesn't matter what you believe,
just so you're sincere.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Go Fly A Kite, Charlie Brown

Donkey, you HAVE the right to remain silent.
What you lack, is the capacity.
- said by Shrek in the movie Shrek 2

I never make stupid mistakes.
Only very, very clever ones.
- John Peel

I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain

Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
- Mark Twain

Whenever I feel the need to exercise,
I lie down until it goes away.
- Robert Maynard Hutchins

The trouble with having an open mind, of course,
is that people will insist on coming along
and trying to put things in it.
- Terry Pratchett

I truly believe that happiness is possible...
even when you're thirty-three
and have a bottom the size of two bowling balls.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason

Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields

Here are the opinions on which my facts are based.
- Anonymous

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
- Steve Martin

When you're drowning, you don't say,
"I would be incredibly pleased if someone
would have the foresight to notice
me drowning and come and help me,"
you just scream.
- John Lennon

I'm just preparing my impromptu remarks.
- Winston Churchill

The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde

When life gets you down -
just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
- Anonymous humor

All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sometimes I've believed as many as
six impossible things before breakfast.
- Lewis Carroll

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
- W. C. Fields

Love is an endless mystery,
for it has nothing else to explain it.
- Rabindranath Tagore

No problem is so formidable that
you can't walk away from it.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic

There's a fine line between genius and insanity.
I have erased this line.
- Oscar Levant

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

I'm a very loyal and unreliable friend.
- Bono

I refuse to answer that question
on the grounds that I don't know the answer
- Douglas Adams

What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?
- the movie Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
- Groucho Marx

True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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