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The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American
recently passed each other in opposite directions.
- George Carlin
Related topics: Cynical
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out
where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
- George Carlin
As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero,
he no longer is.
- George Carlin
I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
- George Carlin
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
- George Carlin
Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- George Carlin
I love and treasure individuals as I meet them;
I loathe and despise the groups
they identify with and belong to.
- George Carlin
So far, this is the oldest I've been.
- George Carlin
The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- George Carlin
The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
- George Carlin
If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
- George Carlin
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- George Carlin
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin
Honesty may be the best policy,
but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination,
dishonesty is the second-best policy.
- George Carlin
I don't like to think of laws
as rules you have to follow,
but more as suggestions.
- George Carlin
Inside every cynical person,
there is a disappointed idealist.
- George Carlin
If it's true that our species is alone in the universe,
then I'd have to say that the universe
aimed rather low and settled for very little.
- George Carlin
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
- George Carlin
If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
- George Carlin
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
Capitalism tries for a delicate balance:
It attempts to work things out so that
everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from
getting violent and trying to take other people's stuff.
- George Carlin
Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man
... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do
every minute of every day. And the invisible man
has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do.
And if you do any of these things,
he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire
and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever,
and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream,
until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you.
He loves you and he needs money.
- George Carlin
Life is as easy or as hard as you think it is.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Laugh when you can,
apologize when you should,
and let go of what you can't change.
Life's too short to be anything... but happy.
- Anonymous
The book of life is filled with incoherent riddles.
Life's true lessons are inscribed in a corner of the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You don't have the power to make life "fair,"
but you do have the power to make life joyful.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Time, like life itself, has no inherent meaning.
We give our own meaning to time as to life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is really simple,
but we insist on making it complicated.
- Confucius
Play with life, laugh with life,
dance lightly with life,
and smile at the riddles of life,
knowing that life's only true lessons
are writ small in the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is always lived in the eye-of-the-storm
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The way I see it, if you want the rainbow,
you gotta put up with the rain.
- Dolly Parton
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...
It's about learning to Dance in the Rain.
- Vivian Greene
The life of inner peace,
being harmonious and without stress,
is the easiest type of existence.
- Norman Vincent Peale
Life is without meaning.
You bring the meaning to it.
The meaning of life is
whatever you ascribe it to be.
Being alive is the meaning.
- Joseph Campbell
The true meaning of life is to plant trees,
under whose shade you do not expect to sit.
- Nelson Henderson
Life is a reflection of intent.
Love reflects love.
Hate reflects hate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Bringing a childlike wonder
and a beginner's mind to life
maximizes both success and joy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The essence of life is not in
the great victories and grand failures,
but in the simple joys.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is a succession of lessons
which must be lived to be understood.
- Helen Keller
Change what you see,
by changing how you see.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal
with the intent of throwing it at someone else;
you are the one who gets burned.
- The Buddha
Talent is God-given; be humble.
Fame is man-given; be thankful.
Conceit is self-given; be careful.
- John Wooden
Nobody can bring you peace but yourself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Simply do your best, and you will avoid
self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
- don Miguel Ruiz
Be the Melody in the Symphony of Your Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Happiness cannot thrive within the prison of obligation
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Success is failure recycled.
Life is death reborn.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Gather strength from life's storms.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We don't see things as they are,
we see things as we are.
- Anais Nin
Don't Take Anything Personally.
Nothing others do is because of you.
- Miguel Angel Ruiz (don Miguel Ruiz)
He who knows others is wise.
He who knows himself is enlightened.
- Lao Tzu
There are no facts, only interpretations.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
No man stands so tall as when he stoops to help a child.
- Anonymous (often attributed to Abraham Lincoln)
Happiness depends upon ourselves.
- Aristotle
"Just living is not enough," said the butterfly,
"one must have sunshine, freedom and a little flower."
- Hans Christian Andersen
Universal compassion is the only guarantee of morality.
- Arthur Schopenhauer
Forgiveness is an act of self-love and respect.
- don Miguel Ruiz
Beware the Rattlesnake of the Mind.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Happiness walks on busy feet.
- Kitte Turmell
I Dream This Day of Wondrous Things,
of Peace and Hope and Pride.
I Dance My Dance with Life Today,
I'm Filled with Love Inside.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller
Everyone is a prisoner of his own experiences.
No one can eliminate prejudices -
just recognize them.
- Edward R. Murrow
Life is 10 percent what happens to me
and 90 percent how I react to it.
- Charles Swindoll
The purpose of our lives is to be happy.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama
If you aren't in the moment,
you are either looking forward to uncertainty,
or back to pain and regret.
- Jim Carrey
Anger is like a thorn in the heart.
- Yiddish Proverb
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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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