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Let these Funniest quotes help you to have a positive attitude toward life, and to think positively.
My way of joking is telling the truth;
that is the funniest joke in the world.
- George Bernard Shaw
Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie 
A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer
Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde
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You have enemies? Good.
That means you've stood up for something,
sometime in your life.
- Winston Churchill
Minds are like parachutes.
They only function when they are open.
- James Dewar
When you think you're out of time,
smile, and turn back the clock.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Laugh Loud - Laugh Often
Laugh At What's Funny - Laugh At What's Sad
Laugh At Me - Laugh At You - Laugh At Life
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Today is your day to laugh at life,
laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad,
laugh loud - laugh often,
laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
- George Bernard Shaw
My life has been filled with terrible misfortune;
most of which never happened.
- Michel Eyquem De Montaigne
When you reach the end of your rope,
tie a knot and hang on.
- Anonymous Saying
(Sometimes attributed to Franklin D. Roosevelt,
Eleanor Roosevelt, or Thomas Jefferson)
Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.
- Stephen Hawking
We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks-
if we agree with him.
- Mark Twain
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
- Milton Berle
When we remember we are all mad,
the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
- Mark Twain
You got to be careful if you
don't know where you're going,
because you might not get there.
- Yogi Berra
Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
Why not go out on a limb?
Isn't that where the fruit is?
- Mark Twain
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
A person with a new idea is
a crank until the idea succeeds.
- Mark Twain
I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
- Phyllis Diller
The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous
Okay, here's your first lesson: how to take a FALL!
- the movie Karate Kid
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright
Big sisters are the crabgrass in the lawn of life.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts cartoon
Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
Normal is in the eye of the beholder.
- Whoopi Goldberg
An old friend will help you move.
A good friend will help you move a dead body.
- Jim Hayes
Old age has deformities enough of its own.
It should never add to them the deformity of vice.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Always listen to the experts.
They'll tell you what can't be done and why.
Then do it.
- Robert Heinlein
One day Alice came to a fork in the road
and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
His responses was a question: "Where do you want to go?"
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."
- Lewis Carroll
The secret of ugliness consists not in irregularity,
but in being uninteresting.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
As to marriage or celibacy, let a man
take which course he will,
he will be sure to repent.
- Socrates
Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore,
and that's what parents were created for.
- Ogden Nash
Nine-tenths of the people were created
so you would want to be with the other tenth.
- Horace Walpole
Times like these, dark times,
they do funny things to people.
They can tear them apart.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)
The road to success is always under construction.
- Anonymous
It's a funny thing about life;
if you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- W. Somerset Maugham
I love mankind, it's people I can't stand.
- Charles M. Schulz
The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
Today is my day to laugh at life.
Laugh loud - laugh often.
Laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad.
Laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
Whenever I feel the need to exercise,
I lie down until it goes away.
- Robert Maynard Hutchins
When life gets you down -
just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
- Anonymous humor
When you're drowning, you don't say,
"I would be incredibly pleased if someone
would have the foresight to notice
me drowning and come and help me,"
you just scream.
- John Lennon
No problem is so formidable that
you can't walk away from it.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
All you need is love.
But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
- Charles M. Schulz
I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain
I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous
I am no longer young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal
You are only young once,
but you can stay immature indefinitely.
- Anonymous
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde
Sometimes I've believed as many as
six impossible things before breakfast.
- Lewis Carroll
I love deadlines.
I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.
- Douglas Adams
Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
- Mae West
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times,
always with the same person.
- Germaine Greer
The trouble with having an open mind, of course,
is that people will insist on coming along
and trying to put things in it.
- Terry Pratchett
I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
- Mark Twain
The way I see it, it doesn't matter what you believe,
just so you're sincere.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Go Fly A Kite, Charlie Brown
Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor
I never make stupid mistakes.
Only very, very clever ones.
- John Peel
Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
Donkey, you HAVE the right to remain silent.
What you lack, is the capacity.
- said by Shrek in the movie Shrek 2
All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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